{"version":"https://jsonfeed.org/version/1","title":"The Noah Post","home_page_url":"https://thenoahpost.com","description":"The Noah Post","author":{"name":"The Noah Post"},"items":[{"id":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/man-demands-dictionary-stop-gaslighting-him-about-nonplussed","html_content":"

Absolutely—here's a version that leans harder into the escalating absurdity and faux-news style associated with The Babylon Bee.

","url":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/man-demands-dictionary-stop-gaslighting-him-about-nonplussed","title":"Man Demands Dictionary Stop Gaslighting Him About 'Nonplussed'","summary":"Absolutely—here's a version that leans harder into the escalating absurdity and faux-news style associated with The Babylon Bee.","date_modified":"2026-07-05T23:21:31Z"},{"id":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/man-begins-preseason-training-camp-for-wife-before-nfl-kickoff","html_content":"

With football season fast approaching, newlywed Ethan decided there was no time to waste. His wife needed preseason conditioning.

","url":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/man-begins-preseason-training-camp-for-wife-before-nfl-kickoff","title":"Man Begins Preseason Training Camp for Wife Before NFL Kickoff","summary":"With football season fast approaching, newlywed Ethan decided there was no time to waste. His wife needed preseason conditioning.","date_modified":"2026-07-05T21:17:15Z"},{"id":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/peter-loved-hosea-214-right-up-until-the-comma","html_content":"

Boise, ID: After years of striking out on the Christian dating scene, lifelong bachelor Peter Wallace announced that he had finally found God's plan for his love life.

","url":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/peter-loved-hosea-214-right-up-until-the-comma","title":"Peter Loved Hosea 2:14 Right Up Until the Comma","summary":"Boise, ID: After years of striking out on the Christian dating scene, lifelong bachelor Peter Wallace announced that he had finally found God's plan for his love life.","date_modified":"2026-07-05T19:27:20Z"},{"id":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/woke-discovers-maximum-security-prison-is-their-ideal-society","html_content":"

Portland, OR—Cheers erupted Tuesday at the National Summit for a Better Tomorrow after delegates unveiled what they called \"the first fully realized example of our vision for society.\"

","url":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/woke-discovers-maximum-security-prison-is-their-ideal-society","title":"Woke Discovers Maximum-Security Prison Is Their Ideal Society","summary":"Portland, OR—Cheers erupted Tuesday at the National Summit for a Better Tomorrow after delegates unveiled what they called \"the first fully realized example of our vision for society.\"","date_modified":"2026-07-05T17:23:41Z"},{"id":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/miniature-presidential-library-finally-ready-for-public-viewing","html_content":"

Ten years after leaving office, former President Obama announced that he and Michelle had launched a luxury jewelry collection called \"Yes We Can,\" featuring earrings, necklaces, bracelets, and rings modeled after his pr...

","url":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/miniature-presidential-library-finally-ready-for-public-viewing","title":"Miniature Presidential Library Finally Ready for Public Viewing","summary":"Ten years after leaving office, former President Obama announced that he and Michelle had launched a luxury jewelry collection called \"Yes We Can,\" featuring earrings, necklaces, bracelets, and rings modeled after his pr...","date_modified":"2026-07-05T17:11:45Z"},{"id":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/church-realizes-it-has-more-baristas-than-missionaries","html_content":"

Grace Baptist Church, Melbourne, FL: The monthly elders meeting took an unexpected turn as the senior elder settled into his chair with his usual coffee: a Venti Iced White Chocolate Mocha with blonde espresso, upside-do...

","url":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/church-realizes-it-has-more-baristas-than-missionaries","title":"Church Realizes It Has More Baristas Than Missionaries","summary":"Grace Baptist Church, Melbourne, FL: The monthly elders meeting took an unexpected turn as the senior elder settled into his chair with his usual coffee: a Venti Iced White Chocolate Mocha with blonde espresso, upside-do...","date_modified":"2026-07-05T13:39:56Z"},{"id":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/cardinal-tells-child-that-his-jeans-are-in-the-wash","html_content":"

Rome, Italy: The solemn procession came to a complete halt when four-year-old Billy wandered away from his parents, walked up to one of the newly appointed cardinals, tugged gently on his robe, and asked, \"Why are you dr...

","url":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/cardinal-tells-child-that-his-jeans-are-in-the-wash","title":"Cardinal Tells Child That His Jeans Are in the Wash","summary":"Rome, Italy: The solemn procession came to a complete halt when four-year-old Billy wandered away from his parents, walked up to one of the newly appointed cardinals, tugged gently on his robe, and asked, \"Why are you dr...","date_modified":"2026-07-05T12:29:07Z"},{"id":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/man-seizes-the-day-picks-the-wrong-one","html_content":"

Viera, FL: Ben's favorite movie has always been Dead Poets Society, but his favorite part wasn't the story—it was the line, \"Carpe Diem. Seize the day.\" The more he replayed it in his head, the more convinced he became t...

","url":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/man-seizes-the-day-picks-the-wrong-one","title":"Man Seizes the Day, Picks the Wrong One","summary":"Viera, FL: Ben's favorite movie has always been Dead Poets Society, but his favorite part wasn't the story—it was the line, \"Carpe Diem. Seize the day.\" The more he replayed it in his head, the more convinced he became t...","date_modified":"2026-07-05T12:11:02Z"},{"id":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/woman-trying-to-break-one-day-anniversary-story-before-tmz-cnn","html_content":"

Nashville, TN: Melissa Grant set her alarm for 4:15 a.m. so she could be the first person in her neighborhood to discover how Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift planned to celebrate the one-day anniversary of their wedding. \"...

","url":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/woman-trying-to-break-one-day-anniversary-story-before-tmz-cnn","title":"Woman Trying to Break One-Day Anniversary Story Before TMZ & CNN","summary":"Nashville, TN: Melissa Grant set her alarm for 4:15 a.m. so she could be the first person in her neighborhood to discover how Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift planned to celebrate the one-day anniversary of their wedding. \"...","date_modified":"2026-07-05T12:02:52Z"},{"id":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/us-gives-iran-one-week-to-update-leadership-funeral-calendar","html_content":"

Washington, DC: The White House announced that the United States has agreed to suspend peace talks with Iran for one week to allow the country time to observe funeral services for Supreme Leader Ali Khamenei. Officials i...

","url":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/us-gives-iran-one-week-to-update-leadership-funeral-calendar","title":"U.S. Gives Iran One Week To Update Leadership Funeral Calendar","summary":"Washington, DC: The White House announced that the United States has agreed to suspend peace talks with Iran for one week to allow the country time to observe funeral services for Supreme Leader Ali Khamenei. Officials i...","date_modified":"2026-07-04T23:43:17Z"},{"id":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/husband-given-a-timeout-for-not-complementing-new-black-shoes","html_content":"

Lake Oswego, OR: Before he was sentenced to yet another timeout, Paul finally discovered the first commandment of marriage: when your wife asks for your opinion about what she's wearing, she's not requesting feedback. Sh...

","url":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/husband-given-a-timeout-for-not-complementing-new-black-shoes","title":"Husband Given a Timeout For Not Complementing New Black Shoes","summary":"Lake Oswego, OR: Before he was sentenced to yet another timeout, Paul finally discovered the first commandment of marriage: when your wife asks for your opinion about what she's wearing, she's not requesting feedback. Sh...","date_modified":"2026-07-04T18:24:59Z"},{"id":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/he-still-knows-her-number-by-heart-%E2%9D%A4%EF%B8%8F","html_content":"

Fort Worth, TX: Every evening after dinner, Jim Bob Lanning settled into his recliner, flipped through the same worn address book he'd owned since the Nixon administration, and dialed his late wife Penny's old number on ...

","url":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/he-still-knows-her-number-by-heart-%E2%9D%A4%EF%B8%8F","title":"He Still Knows Her Number by Heart ❤️","summary":"Fort Worth, TX: Every evening after dinner, Jim Bob Lanning settled into his recliner, flipped through the same worn address book he'd owned since the Nixon administration, and dialed his late wife Penny's old number on ...","date_modified":"2026-07-04T18:11:46Z"},{"id":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/american-men-celebrate-the-end-of-kelce-swift-dating-season","html_content":"

Kansas City, MO: Americans breathed a collective sigh of relief this week after realizing there may finally come a day when every grocery-store checkout line, morning show, and social media feed isn't breathlessly coveri...

","url":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/american-men-celebrate-the-end-of-kelce-swift-dating-season","title":"American Men Celebrate the End of Kelce-Swift Dating Season","summary":"Kansas City, MO: Americans breathed a collective sigh of relief this week after realizing there may finally come a day when every grocery-store checkout line, morning show, and social media feed isn't breathlessly coveri...","date_modified":"2026-07-04T15:37:41Z"},{"id":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/nfl-owners-learn-theres-an-unlimited-supply-of-pronouns%E2%80%94and-pr","html_content":"

Minneapolis, MN: In an announcement that surprised no one, the NFL announced that every team has been renamed for that team's favorite pronoun. At the NFL owners' meeting, when the idea was first raised, the owner of the...

","url":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/nfl-owners-learn-theres-an-unlimited-supply-of-pronouns%E2%80%94and-pr","title":"NFL Owners Learn There's an Unlimited Supply of Pronouns—and PR","summary":"Minneapolis, MN: In an announcement that surprised no one, the NFL announced that every team has been renamed for that team's favorite pronoun. At the NFL owners' meeting, when the idea was first raised, the owner of the...","date_modified":"2026-07-04T13:00:36Z"},{"id":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/grandmas-speed-dial-looks-like-a-hospital-directory","html_content":"

Baltimore, MD: Mary Blaire, 70, figured it was finally time to clean up the contacts in her iPhone. Out went people she hadn't spoken to in years, former coworkers, neighbors who moved away, and the woman who sold her a ...

","url":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/grandmas-speed-dial-looks-like-a-hospital-directory","title":"Grandma's Speed Dial Looks Like a Hospital Directory","summary":"Baltimore, MD: Mary Blaire, 70, figured it was finally time to clean up the contacts in her iPhone. Out went people she hadn't spoken to in years, former coworkers, neighbors who moved away, and the woman who sold her a ...","date_modified":"2026-07-04T12:42:56Z"},{"id":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/america-celebrates-minnesota-schedules-group-coping-therapy","html_content":"

Minneapolis, MN: Mindful that fireworks, flags, and excessive displays of patriotism might leave some residents emotionally overextended while the rest of the country celebrated Independence Day, Governor Timmy Walz repo...

","url":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/america-celebrates-minnesota-schedules-group-coping-therapy","title":"America Celebrates; Minnesota Schedules Group Coping Therapy","summary":"Minneapolis, MN: Mindful that fireworks, flags, and excessive displays of patriotism might leave some residents emotionally overextended while the rest of the country celebrated Independence Day, Governor Timmy Walz repo...","date_modified":"2026-07-04T00:01:25Z"},{"id":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/the-last-thing-these-veterans-expected-to-mourn-was-america","html_content":"

Washington, DC: The veterans stood quietly on the Capitol steps, not saluting, not protesting—just remembering. They remembered an America where neighbors argued over baseball, not whether the flag itself was offensive. ...

","url":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/the-last-thing-these-veterans-expected-to-mourn-was-america","title":"The Last Thing These Veterans Expected to Mourn Was America","summary":"Washington, DC: The veterans stood quietly on the Capitol steps, not saluting, not protesting—just remembering. They remembered an America where neighbors argued over baseball, not whether the flag itself was offensive. ...","date_modified":"2026-07-03T21:40:42Z"},{"id":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/postal-carrier-unsure-whether-to-deliver-bills-or-garlic-bread","html_content":"

MELBOURNE, FL — Neighbors were briefly alarmed after spotting 71-year-old Paul Rodgers pulling a bubbling pan of lasagna from his mailbox, though his wife, Ginny, insisted this wasn't even among his top ten questionable ...

","url":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/postal-carrier-unsure-whether-to-deliver-bills-or-garlic-bread","title":"Postal Carrier Unsure Whether to Deliver Bills or Garlic Bread","summary":"MELBOURNE, FL — Neighbors were briefly alarmed after spotting 71-year-old Paul Rodgers pulling a bubbling pan of lasagna from his mailbox, though his wife, Ginny, insisted this wasn't even among his top ten questionable ...","date_modified":"2026-07-03T19:55:53Z"},{"id":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/capitol-leaders-agree-america-could-be-worse%E2%80%94it-could-be-france","html_content":"

Washington, DC: Congressional leaders gathered on the steps of the Capitol on Friday in an extraordinary display of bipartisan unity ahead of America's 250th birthday. For nearly seven minutes, lawmakers smiled, shook ha...

","url":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/capitol-leaders-agree-america-could-be-worse%E2%80%94it-could-be-france","title":"Capitol Leaders Agree America Could Be Worse—It Could Be France","summary":"Washington, DC: Congressional leaders gathered on the steps of the Capitol on Friday in an extraordinary display of bipartisan unity ahead of America's 250th birthday. For nearly seven minutes, lawmakers smiled, shook ha...","date_modified":"2026-07-03T19:34:36Z"},{"id":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/wife-throws-a-flag-on-husbands-1974-tube-socks-and-headband","html_content":"

Viera, FL: Paul emerged from the bedroom wearing his 1974 Mt. Hebron gym uniform like he'd just been called off the bench for the AARP championship.

","url":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/wife-throws-a-flag-on-husbands-1974-tube-socks-and-headband","title":"Wife Throws a Flag on Husband's 1974 Tube Socks and Headband","summary":"Viera, FL: Paul emerged from the bedroom wearing his 1974 Mt. Hebron gym uniform like he'd just been called off the bench for the AARP championship.","date_modified":"2026-07-03T17:46:52Z"},{"id":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/grandson-horrified-to-learn-grandpa-played-outside-for-fun","html_content":"

Ellicott City, MD: Paul watched his grandson stare in disbelief as though he'd just described hiking the Appalachian Trail with nothing but a butter knife and a canteen.

","url":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/grandson-horrified-to-learn-grandpa-played-outside-for-fun","title":"Grandson Horrified to Learn Grandpa Played Outside for Fun","summary":"Ellicott City, MD: Paul watched his grandson stare in disbelief as though he'd just described hiking the Appalachian Trail with nothing but a butter knife and a canteen.","date_modified":"2026-07-03T15:57:24Z"},{"id":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/wifes-medicare-plan-treat-near-amputation-with-an-ice-pack","html_content":"

Lake Oswego, OR: Paul Rodgers has finally accepted that, in his wife's medical universe, every injury falls into one of two highly specialized treatment categories: put some ice on it or rub some lotion on it. The diagno...

","url":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/wifes-medicare-plan-treat-near-amputation-with-an-ice-pack","title":"Wife's Medicare Plan: Treat Near-Amputation with an Ice Pack","summary":"Lake Oswego, OR: Paul Rodgers has finally accepted that, in his wife's medical universe, every injury falls into one of two highly specialized treatment categories: put some ice on it or rub some lotion on it. The diagno...","date_modified":"2026-07-03T12:54:57Z"},{"id":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/granddaughter-mistakes-grandpas-den-for-smithsonian-exhibit","html_content":"

Washington, DC: Paul had invited his granddaughter into his media room, convinced she would appreciate shelves packed with VHS tapes, CDs, stereo magazines, and enough vintage audio equipment to power a small radio stati...

","url":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/granddaughter-mistakes-grandpas-den-for-smithsonian-exhibit","title":"Granddaughter Mistakes Grandpa's Den for Smithsonian Exhibit","summary":"Washington, DC: Paul had invited his granddaughter into his media room, convinced she would appreciate shelves packed with VHS tapes, CDs, stereo magazines, and enough vintage audio equipment to power a small radio stati...","date_modified":"2026-07-03T12:36:45Z"},{"id":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/walmart-fruit-begins-self-identifying-as-different-fruits","html_content":"

Minneapolis, MN — Shoppers were befuddled—though, given they were in Minnesota, perhaps they shouldn't have been—when they noticed that several grapefruits had apparently self-identified as oranges. After further investi...

","url":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/walmart-fruit-begins-self-identifying-as-different-fruits","title":"Walmart Fruit Begins Self-Identifying as Different Fruits","summary":"Minneapolis, MN — Shoppers were befuddled—though, given they were in Minnesota, perhaps they shouldn't have been—when they noticed that several grapefruits had apparently self-identified as oranges. After further investi...","date_modified":"2026-07-02T22:21:02Z"},{"id":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/pa-lawmakers-protect-democracy-by-removing-the-liberty-bell","html_content":"

Harrisburg, PA: Pennsylvania lawmakers unveiled an ambitious new dress code aimed at protecting democracy from dangerous outbreaks of patriotism. The first casualty was a Republican legislator escorted from the chamber f...

","url":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/pa-lawmakers-protect-democracy-by-removing-the-liberty-bell","title":"PA Lawmakers Protect Democracy by Removing the Liberty Bell","summary":"Harrisburg, PA: Pennsylvania lawmakers unveiled an ambitious new dress code aimed at protecting democracy from dangerous outbreaks of patriotism. The first casualty was a Republican legislator escorted from the chamber f...","date_modified":"2026-07-02T18:40:23Z"},{"id":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/hillary-clintons-new-childrens-book-it-takes-a-narcissist","html_content":"

Chappaqua, NY: Three decades after publishing It Takes a Village, noted author and bon vivant Hillary Clinton has unveiled its long-awaited sequel, It Takes a Narcissist, a whimsical children's book teaching youngsters t...

","url":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/hillary-clintons-new-childrens-book-it-takes-a-narcissist","title":"Hillary Clinton's New Children's Book: It Takes a Narcissist","summary":"Chappaqua, NY: Three decades after publishing It Takes a Village, noted author and bon vivant Hillary Clinton has unveiled its long-awaited sequel, It Takes a Narcissist, a whimsical children's book teaching youngsters t...","date_modified":"2026-07-02T16:48:07Z"},{"id":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/gym-certifies-bench-as-sterile-after-local-womans-workout","html_content":"

Viera, FL: \"I guess we just look at life differently,\" Adam Jenkins said as he watched his wife, Cynthia, meticulously disinfect the weight bench she'd just used. \"I might understand it if she worked in an operating room...

","url":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/gym-certifies-bench-as-sterile-after-local-womans-workout","title":"Gym Certifies Bench As Sterile After Local Woman's Workout","summary":"Viera, FL: \"I guess we just look at life differently,\" Adam Jenkins said as he watched his wife, Cynthia, meticulously disinfect the weight bench she'd just used. \"I might understand it if she worked in an operating room...","date_modified":"2026-07-02T15:24:37Z"},{"id":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/florida-declares-disney-adults-too-immature-to-be-allowed-to-vote","html_content":"

Orlando, FL: Declaring that Florida must \"raise the intellectual bar one churro at a time,\" Governor Ron DeSantis is considering issuing an executive order disqualifying any Florida adult who willingly purchases a one-da...

","url":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/florida-declares-disney-adults-too-immature-to-be-allowed-to-vote","title":"Florida Declares Disney Adults Too Immature to be Allowed to Vote","summary":"Orlando, FL: Declaring that Florida must \"raise the intellectual bar one churro at a time,\" Governor Ron DeSantis is considering issuing an executive order disqualifying any Florida adult who willingly purchases a one-da...","date_modified":"2026-07-02T13:04:20Z"},{"id":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/study-confirms-real-men-dont-care-about-the-kelce-swift-wedding","html_content":"

Madison Square Garden, NY: Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce's lavish wedding has consumed entertainment news, celebrity blogs, social media, and apparently every television screen with a pulse.

","url":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/study-confirms-real-men-dont-care-about-the-kelce-swift-wedding","title":"Study Confirms Real Men Don't Care About the Kelce-Swift Wedding","summary":"Madison Square Garden, NY: Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce's lavish wedding has consumed entertainment news, celebrity blogs, social media, and apparently every television screen with a pulse.","date_modified":"2026-07-01T22:24:31Z"},{"id":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/children-are-now-more-confident-than-adults-about-basic-biology","html_content":"

NY, NY: During coverage of the Supreme Court ruling upholding bans on transgender athletes in girls' and women's sports, NBC anchor Craig Melvin attempted to explain the terms \"biological male\" and \"biological female\" wi...

","url":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/children-are-now-more-confident-than-adults-about-basic-biology","title":"Children Are Now More Confident Than Adults About Basic Biology","summary":"NY, NY: During coverage of the Supreme Court ruling upholding bans on transgender athletes in girls' and women's sports, NBC anchor Craig Melvin attempted to explain the terms \"biological male\" and \"biological female\" wi...","date_modified":"2026-07-01T21:29:39Z"},{"id":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/talent-agency-lands-scott-pelley-prestigious-walmart-greeter","html_content":"

Bentonville, AR — Scott Pelley, whose résumé includes 51 National Emmy Awards, four duPont-Columbia Silver Batons, three Peabody Awards, and six Edward R. Murrow Awards, reportedly discovered that accolades don’t always ...

","url":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/talent-agency-lands-scott-pelley-prestigious-walmart-greeter","title":"Talent Agency Lands Scott Pelley Prestigious Walmart Greeter","summary":"Bentonville, AR — Scott Pelley, whose résumé includes 51 National Emmy Awards, four duPont-Columbia Silver Batons, three Peabody Awards, and six Edward R. Murrow Awards, reportedly discovered that accolades don’t always ...","date_modified":"2026-07-01T18:39:22Z"},{"id":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/democrats-hold-emergency-rehearsal-for-americas-250th-birthday","html_content":"

Washington, DC: Democratic leaders reportedly convened an emergency strategy session hosted by Nobel Peace Prize winner Barack Obama to prepare for what insiders described as the emotionally taxing prospect of participat...

","url":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/democrats-hold-emergency-rehearsal-for-americas-250th-birthday","title":"Democrats Hold Emergency Rehearsal for America's 250th Birthday","summary":"Washington, DC: Democratic leaders reportedly convened an emergency strategy session hosted by Nobel Peace Prize winner Barack Obama to prepare for what insiders described as the emotionally taxing prospect of participat...","date_modified":"2026-07-01T17:04:17Z"},{"id":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/church-husbands-unsure-which-wife-is-theirs-after-wardrobe-swap","html_content":"

Melbourne, FL: Before the worship band played its first note at the Eleventh Baptist Church, a cluster of husbands had formed outside the women's restroom, waiting to identify whichever version of their wives emerged. Ye...

","url":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/church-husbands-unsure-which-wife-is-theirs-after-wardrobe-swap","title":"Church Husbands Unsure Which Wife Is Theirs After Wardrobe Swap","summary":"Melbourne, FL: Before the worship band played its first note at the Eleventh Baptist Church, a cluster of husbands had formed outside the women's restroom, waiting to identify whichever version of their wives emerged. Ye...","date_modified":"2026-07-01T15:27:46Z"},{"id":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/hed-rather-do-his-own-dental-work-than-go-to-disney","html_content":"

Tallahassee, FL: The only thing standing between Paul and Denise Carter having a perfect marriage wasn't money, politics, in-laws, or whose turn it was to empty the dishwasher. It was Disney.

","url":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/hed-rather-do-his-own-dental-work-than-go-to-disney","title":"He'd Rather Do His Own Dental Work Than Go to Disney","summary":"Tallahassee, FL: The only thing standing between Paul and Denise Carter having a perfect marriage wasn't money, politics, in-laws, or whose turn it was to empty the dishwasher. It was Disney.","date_modified":"2026-07-01T13:25:07Z"},{"id":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/church-gives-husbands-45-extra-minutes-to-prepare-for-kickoff","html_content":"

Orlando, FL: In what church leaders are calling \"a practical application of loving your neighbor,\" Calvary Chapel Orlando announced that, beginning this fall, every Sunday service will start 45 minutes earlier, with the ...

","url":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/church-gives-husbands-45-extra-minutes-to-prepare-for-kickoff","title":"Church Gives Husbands 45 Extra Minutes to Prepare for Kickoff","summary":"Orlando, FL: In what church leaders are calling \"a practical application of loving your neighbor,\" Calvary Chapel Orlando announced that, beginning this fall, every Sunday service will start 45 minutes earlier, with the ...","date_modified":"2026-07-01T12:54:06Z"},{"id":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/woman-insists-she-gained-5-pounds-just-thinking-about-gummy-bears","html_content":"

Viera, FL: Friends say Karen Whitmore has elevated guilt to an Olympic sport. She insists she can gain five pounds simply by thinking about gummy bears.

","url":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/woman-insists-she-gained-5-pounds-just-thinking-about-gummy-bears","title":"Woman Insists She Gained 5 Pounds Just Thinking About Gummy Bears","summary":"Viera, FL: Friends say Karen Whitmore has elevated guilt to an Olympic sport. She insists she can gain five pounds simply by thinking about gummy bears.","date_modified":"2026-07-01T12:35:15Z"},{"id":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/scientists-suspect-wives-carry-rare-always-cold-gene","html_content":"

Viera, FL: Paul had once believed thermostats were scientific instruments. After forty-two years of marriage, he now suspected they were merely decorative wall art.

","url":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/scientists-suspect-wives-carry-rare-always-cold-gene","title":"Scientists Suspect Wives Carry Rare \"Always Cold\" Gene","summary":"Viera, FL: Paul had once believed thermostats were scientific instruments. After forty-two years of marriage, he now suspected they were merely decorative wall art.","date_modified":"2026-07-01T12:27:49Z"},{"id":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/local-station-discovers-florida-only-has-two-forecasts","html_content":"

Orlando, FL: After years of painstaking research, executives at WFTV announced they had made a stunning discovery: Florida's weather doesn't require daily updates.

","url":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/local-station-discovers-florida-only-has-two-forecasts","title":"Local Station Discovers Florida Only Has Two Forecasts.","summary":"Orlando, FL: After years of painstaking research, executives at WFTV announced they had made a stunning discovery: Florida's weather doesn't require daily updates.","date_modified":"2026-07-01T12:16:34Z"},{"id":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/husband-fears-wifes-earbuds-are-gateway-jewelry","html_content":"

Viera, FL: \"I'm not wearing these. I'm wearing my Bose noise-canceling headphones,\" Peter Bidwell told his wife, Tammy.

","url":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/husband-fears-wifes-earbuds-are-gateway-jewelry","title":"Husband Fears Wife's Earbuds Are Gateway Jewelry","summary":"Viera, FL: \"I'm not wearing these. I'm wearing my Bose noise-canceling headphones,\" Peter Bidwell told his wife, Tammy.","date_modified":"2026-06-30T20:21:45Z"},{"id":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/wife-learns-husband-more-valuable-as-landscaper-than-golfer","html_content":"

Fort Worth, TX — Amy Wheeler proudly announced that after years of careful financial planning, she had finally eliminated every unnecessary household expense. The biggest breakthrough, she explained, was realizing that h...

","url":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/wife-learns-husband-more-valuable-as-landscaper-than-golfer","title":"Wife Learns Husband More Valuable as Landscaper Than Golfer","summary":"Fort Worth, TX — Amy Wheeler proudly announced that after years of careful financial planning, she had finally eliminated every unnecessary household expense. The biggest breakthrough, she explained, was realizing that h...","date_modified":"2026-06-30T20:03:37Z"},{"id":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/parents-discover-golf-is-early-childhood-disappointment-training","html_content":"

Viera, FL — Parents gathered under the shade of palm trees at the Durham Golf Course, quietly watching their children endure their first golf lesson with the kind of thousand-yard stare usually reserved for tax audits an...

","url":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/parents-discover-golf-is-early-childhood-disappointment-training","title":"Parents Discover Golf Is Early Childhood Disappointment Training","summary":"Viera, FL — Parents gathered under the shade of palm trees at the Durham Golf Course, quietly watching their children endure their first golf lesson with the kind of thousand-yard stare usually reserved for tax audits an...","date_modified":"2026-06-30T18:30:01Z"},{"id":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/anthropologists-request-to-study-wifes-facebook-account","html_content":"

Ellicott City, MD: Bob and Sally Struthers recently celebrated twenty-two years of marriage and estimated they had shared more than 20,000 meals together. Sally proudly documented every single one with her phone before t...

","url":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/anthropologists-request-to-study-wifes-facebook-account","title":"Anthropologists Request to Study Wife's Facebook Account","summary":"Ellicott City, MD: Bob and Sally Struthers recently celebrated twenty-two years of marriage and estimated they had shared more than 20,000 meals together. Sally proudly documented every single one with her phone before t...","date_modified":"2026-06-30T18:10:26Z"},{"id":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/wife-says-its-only-two-miles-as-the-crow-flies","html_content":"

Viera, FL: Bonnie Jensen called her husband, Paul, and invited him to meet her at her friend's house for dinner.

","url":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/wife-says-its-only-two-miles-as-the-crow-flies","title":"Wife Says, \"It's Only Two Miles, As the Crow Flies\"","summary":"Viera, FL: Bonnie Jensen called her husband, Paul, and invited him to meet her at her friend's house for dinner.","date_modified":"2026-06-29T19:46:18Z"},{"id":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/senior-has-mail-forwarded-to-his-doctors-office-for-convenience","html_content":"

Viera, FL: Paul Rodgers, 74, had just wrapped up his annual physical when his physician, Dr. Samuel Becker, slid a sealed envelope across the desk.

","url":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/senior-has-mail-forwarded-to-his-doctors-office-for-convenience","title":"Senior Has Mail Forwarded to His Doctor's Office for Convenience","summary":"Viera, FL: Paul Rodgers, 74, had just wrapped up his annual physical when his physician, Dr. Samuel Becker, slid a sealed envelope across the desk.","date_modified":"2026-06-29T19:24:55Z"},{"id":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/local-wifes-eye-roll-enters-seventh-minute","html_content":"

Duluth, MN: Bill had long since accepted that his wife, Jessica, expressed herself far more efficiently through facial expressions than actual words. While other wives sighed dramatically, gave the silent treatment, or s...

","url":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/local-wifes-eye-roll-enters-seventh-minute","title":"Local Wife's Eye Roll Enters Seventh Minute","summary":"Duluth, MN: Bill had long since accepted that his wife, Jessica, expressed herself far more efficiently through facial expressions than actual words. While other wives sighed dramatically, gave the silent treatment, or s...","date_modified":"2026-06-29T17:18:45Z"},{"id":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/man-lasts-30-seconds-at-kiddie-table-before-seeking-grownups","html_content":"

Portland, OR: In a move that surprised even him, Bob Swanson was invited by a group of progressives to join them at the children's table. \"That's odd,\" he thought, since they rarely invite anyone outside their carefully ...

","url":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/man-lasts-30-seconds-at-kiddie-table-before-seeking-grownups","title":"Man Lasts 30 Seconds at Kiddie Table Before Seeking Grownups ","summary":"Portland, OR: In a move that surprised even him, Bob Swanson was invited by a group of progressives to join them at the children's table. \"That's odd,\" he thought, since they rarely invite anyone outside their carefully ...","date_modified":"2026-06-29T12:29:06Z"},{"id":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/senior-training-for-tour-de-viera-humbled-by-i-95-overpass","html_content":"

Viera, FL: Richard proudly rolled his bicycle into the garage, looking like he'd just completed the Tour de France instead of a leisurely ride around the neighborhood.

","url":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/senior-training-for-tour-de-viera-humbled-by-i-95-overpass","title":"Senior Training for Tour de Viera Humbled by I-95 Overpass","summary":"Viera, FL: Richard proudly rolled his bicycle into the garage, looking like he'd just completed the Tour de France instead of a leisurely ride around the neighborhood.","date_modified":"2026-06-29T00:02:36Z"},{"id":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/senior-wonders-if-its-time-to-build-a-two-car-medicine-garage","html_content":"

Viera, FL: Standing in front of his medicine cabinet, 70-year-old Paul Benson found himself wondering whether he needed a larger house just to store his daily pills.

","url":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/senior-wonders-if-its-time-to-build-a-two-car-medicine-garage","title":"Senior Wonders If It's Time to Build a Two-Car Medicine Garage","summary":"Viera, FL: Standing in front of his medicine cabinet, 70-year-old Paul Benson found himself wondering whether he needed a larger house just to store his daily pills.","date_modified":"2026-06-28T21:25:26Z"},{"id":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/senior-stunned-to-discover-hes-now-one-of-the-old-people","html_content":"

Viera, FL: Seventy-year-old Richard Coleman has become increasingly puzzled by a disturbing trend. The adults he remembers from childhood all looked ancient. Teachers were old. Neighbors were old. Forty-year-olds looked ...

","url":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/senior-stunned-to-discover-hes-now-one-of-the-old-people","title":"Senior Stunned to Discover He's Now One of the \"Old\" People","summary":"Viera, FL: Seventy-year-old Richard Coleman has become increasingly puzzled by a disturbing trend. The adults he remembers from childhood all looked ancient. Teachers were old. Neighbors were old. Forty-year-olds looked ...","date_modified":"2026-06-28T20:56:39Z"},{"id":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/democrats-suddenly-discover-the-benefits-of-border-control","html_content":"

Here's a tighter version that builds on your premise, escalates the absurdity, and lands with a stronger punchline (about 140 words):

","url":"https://thenoahpost.com/f/democrats-suddenly-discover-the-benefits-of-border-control","title":"Democrats Suddenly Discover the Benefits of Border Control","summary":"Here's a tighter version that builds on your premise, escalates the absurdity, and lands with a stronger punchline (about 140 words):","date_modified":"2026-06-28T18:20:09Z"}]}